Starting a friendship is probably one of the toughest things in the world to do. You have to learn that person’s interest to see if there are enough mutual hobbies to sustain spending time and effort into building the friendship further. You have to witness their struggles to see what they are made of and if those hard times are too much to give that helping hand or ear when needed. You also have to be kind enough to both parties and know when that friendship is no longer working out. But after spending good times and bad times, continuation days and deaths, do the feelings for your friend just disappear once the tough decision is made to no longer be friends?
I believe it’s a sorry not sorry situation. If the friendship just ran its course, the love and feeling of friendship tend to remain. While a consistent interaction through texts, phone calls, and proximity aren’t part of the plan any longer, we all know if that person is in need, we all would be there. In truth, once you have been friends with someone, barring anything catastrophic, the two will always be friends through memories and a continued feeling of closeness. But I find people have a problem with this portion of things. They think because there are occasions when new laughs are shared and memories are made, the friendship becomes new again. This can happy so I don’t discount it outright, but the decision to end a friendship that was made with care and deliberate action can’t be mended in that way.
Recently I ended a friendship and it took a lot out of me. I knew it was the right decision because I didn’t like the person I was after prolong exposure to this person. We had a great dynamic that after too much time in the heat would start to spoil like milk. I thought a reduction in time spent would help, and it did temporarily but the underlying issue was never able to be resolved, even with several conversations and attempts made on both side. This was a friendship we both wanted to continue, but sadly I couldn’t see it happening as it was. I can admit my ego was bruised as I felt unappreciated and that I was being put in a category I don’t feel I am in by this person. My vanity was incensed because I felt I wasted time trying to help someone who felt they already had enough answers to life. My pride felt attacked as I felt like I was being brought down by the antics and reputation that was being fostered with this relationship. All in, all I felt like I wasn’t of any use and could no longer be a party to behaviors that weren’t meant for me. I admit it was nice to feel some of the energy I hadn’t felt in years. For that I am grateful. Now with the friendship over, I have to deal with the aftermath, which has only to do with these feelings of love and caring that still keep me to this person.
Being empathetic and spiritual gives me answers and relief to this situation. I don’t say problem because there isn’t one. We became friends for a reason. The Universe said there was something we had to offer each other and I feel I received and gave a tremendous amount. I can look at this person, and other’s I’ve made this decision with, and see the amazing times we shared with great fondness and the same level of caring as when we spoke daily. Friendships don’t have to be close or even that communicative. As long as the core of love and kindness still remain, the friendship endures.
I wrote this today because I was a little sad. I missed my friend a bit but after a nice walk and smoothie, I realized we might not be close like we were, but my friend is still available to me and me to him. I won’t be lending my car or money, and my time will be upon request and at my convenience, but we are still friends. I guess that’s what I mean by friends, NOT friends. It might only be a thing for me, but I offer this to those who are continuing a friendship out of fear or habit. You don’t have to have a friendship you have to endure. It doesn’t make you a bad person to end something that isn’t working out. Being a friend means knowing what will be good for all parties. Good friends can see when things just aren’t at the level they both need. Many times people can come back to each other but that thought can’t be in the mix. The tough decision needs to stand on its own, so I caution against factoring in reconciliation. But with faith, I know that the decisions based on genuine love and caring will always serve me well. Take care of yourself and your friendships.
If you’d like to share advice on ending a friendship, or how you continued on after a friendship, please comment at the very bottom of this post. Like the star and share this post. Click here for a similar post of reconciling a friendship.