Every day is a new opportunity to grow and become who we feel we were meant to be. We absorb everything around us, using discernment to determine what to keep and use in our daily lives, and what has no real purpose and should be discarded right away. But sometimes we stumble in this process, deciding to keep as daily habits things that are either stopping us from moving forward or causing us to slide backward in life. Over time, this stumbling about becomes the new habit, as we can’t find a direction to go, we end up standing completely still going against time itself. It’s in those moments one must find the strength to break free from old habits and begin the journey towards the future you deserve, but there is someone fighting to remain relevant. That you from the past and trust me, the old you isn’t going anywhere without a fight.
The other day I let fear overtake my spirit. I’ve been looking for a new job as I continue my education towards my career as a counselor. I’ve been applying daily and I’m excited as I know I’m just days away from returning to the workforce. I know once I’m working and in school again, the old me who enjoyed foolish shenanigans won’t be able to partake in any of that foolishness anymore (foolishness is one of my favorite words). While my previous statement is obvious to anyone with a small amount of intelligence, I was shocked when an unknown number appeared on my phone and I became paralyzed with fear. The phone continued to ring and all I saw was the end. I didn’t see possibilities and I didn’t see joy; all I saw was an ‘end all, be all’ situation I wasn’t ready for in that moment. Or was it really me? I didn’t answer the phone, and with my voicemail not set up and my call log set to clear daily, I won’t know if that was a job interview or telemarketer. Nonetheless, I let fear of the unknown stop me. More importantly, I let old habits keep me from moving towards the life I really see for myself.
Let me say this first, it won’t happen again but the real issue is what caused me to stop when I really do want to work, graduate, and finally be living the life that I feel fits me. After speaking with friends and refilling my spiritual tank, I realize I’ve spent so much time avoiding progress in my life, the thought of actually progressing is more terrifying than failure. I also realized I’m used to standing still in most areas in my life, choosing inner peace and spiritual thinking over being a part of bring peace to the world and becoming the spiritual warrior I see for myself. It’s the difference between being an academic and using that knowledge in daily life.
None of this is new to anyone, but when faced with this truth in myself just days ago, I had an epiphany. I don’t want to continue gaining knowledge that makes for good conversation and great counseling with those closest to me. I want to make an impact with my experiences and I want to experience more. For that to happen, I must get back to work and get back to life outside of my readings and my four walls. I need to overcome the stale energy that is coursing through my veins but knowing what must happen and helping it to manifest are two different things.
At one point I thought to seek out a life coach. I again was looking outside of myself for what I needed to be doing. This is where people get stuck because they see this need for another as weak. This from jump is incorrect. Needing a helping hand is how most things become what they are. Most can’t recall the people in their lives they leaned on for advice or who gave them a lead on a job that was really impactful. We all have those we have tried to emulate, seeing how they do what they do and wishing they would take you under their wing as your mentor. It’s our connection with others that makes us relevant and strong, so why not allow others that want to help to do so? While a life coach isn’t exactly for me, I do understand and have begun reconnecting with those strong and motivating people in my life to keep me on track.
I’m a healer and helper, so it’s no surprise I have trouble accepting the same from others. I see myself as a strong person, even in my struggles, that all I need is to look within for more strength and the answers. What can become hard to realize is others can help in rediscovering that which lies underneath all the doubt and fear we spend more time nurturing than openness and courage. While some of this is natural selection fighting to keep us still here, sometimes its fear for fear’s sake. This is where another set of eyes and perspective is needed. This is where strength and courage play a big part. And this is where I had to demand my mind to pull it together.
I missed that call but I didn’t miss the lesson. I have habit energy and an old version of me that keeps saying, ” I’m still here”. I listened once ( okay many times just in other situations) but I was so disappointed in myself, I know that one time was the last time. The “I’m still here”, I plan to listen to is the healer, helper, and open soul that is truly here and HERE to stay.