I’ve been in love three times. I feel lucky to have had love even once let alone three times. Each time, the feelings I had were different. The intensity was varied, the passion was hit or miss, and the duration of our love wasn’t that of romance novels. Nonetheless, I loved three times, and each one taught me more and more about the nature of love. I’m thankful I still feel love looks good on me. Even with the dissolution of all three of my loves, I still see myself finding a husband, and having a deeper love with him than I have in the past. In loving three previous times, I have a better understanding of how love operates. While many feel love is mysterious and uncontrollable, I feel like love can be harnessed and work for you like anything else. Love is the Universe’s gift to us, and it’s about time we show our appreciation.
So love, everyone wants it in some form or another. I don’t make a lot of definite black and white statements, but I don’t know anyone that doesn’t want love. They might not want love as it is written about in Jane Austin novels, or depicted in the latest Rachel McAdams film, but we want what love brings with it. Love brings understanding, connection, security, and warmth. Love brings friendship, loyalty, respect, and calm. Love is positive and fits perfectly in place with the business of living life, but some have trouble finding this kind of love. This kind of love seems to be the unicorn of emotions. This kind of love seems a creation of the lonely to supply hope and meaning to an otherwise, lonely and hopeless life. I understand how and why the latter statement feels true, but it doesn’t have to be the last word on love.
I’m one of those single guys with a ton of couples as friends. I love seeing my friends together and in love. It give me hope, especially as some of them seemed less likely to find a match. I have no idea if these relationships are forever, but they are here and now and express love often. I even have looked at the marriages of friends in my life, and still can’t believe the same partner they were complaining about, breaking up with, and cursing their name is now their forever. It shows me love is different for everyone, but mainly it is available for everyone. Even when I am witness to fighting and harsh words, I still see the love beneath it all; a love I know is available to me, and if I may be so bold, right around the corner for me as well.
This morning, I was contemplating a friends relationship. I know he loves his partner but they are currently struggling. I want so bad to shake them both, as I have seen them so in love you would think they fart hearts in their sleep. But I’ve also seen them go in hard at each other, as if they never kissed or said ‘I love you’ once to each other. It hurts my spirit when I see this with anyone, but with two people I consider friends, it hurts a bit more. Unfortunately, it’s not my relationship. I can only speak on what is shared with me, and what I witness. Even what is shared tends to be from one person at a time, and I rarely get both sides, so in a sense I still have nothing to work with. But the main thing I have to remember is, their love has to come from them. I might be able to offer an outsiders perspective, but the two people involved have to work their love out amongst themselves, using what I feel is the only way to express true love…communication.
I know there is a book out by Gary Chapman about love languages, but I am giving my own interpretation of what the language that love speaks contains. Love is never hurtful. I know we have been hurt in relationships, and by the person who loves us, but that expression isn’t love in my mind. Love isn’t something that hurts us. Love is about putting the person we love on an equal footing as ourselves. We don’t want to be spoken to harshly, so we shouldn’t do that to the ones we love. Love is supportive of both people in the relationship. This support is centered around making the relationship thrive, but also each individual in the relationship. Love doesn’t have favorites or keep score. Love doesn’t need to be right, it just needs to be. The presence of real love is obvious.
When you look back at difficult situations with someone who loves or loved, you can see where it feels there was a break down in that love. Their is anger, rage sometimes, heated language, and negative energy. Some feel those times are necessary to love. They see those times as working out all the obstacles so that love can come back stronger. I can’t say it’s not possible, but it’s also not the best way. I see more obstacles arising from fighting and arguing, as many times the end doesn’t mean the end. Many times the situation reappears, as a similar fight, or just a fight in general has one party bringing up the past in an effort to reign supreme. Why open that door up? Why not figure out a more loving and kind way to move past the same obstacle? That’s what love is to me. Being able to keep calm, being able to stay kind, and being about love. I don’t mean to use the actual word to define itself but love is love. Being in love means having love to guide you especially during difficult times.
I might come off as naive, or maybe too optimistic about love. I have to be honest, I don’t mind if you feel that way. I know I’m pretty practical about most things, and I don’t see why love can’t be practical as well as mysterious. Love is what you make it. I have decided my love will be supportive, kind, nurturing, and a partnership. My love will be about us not just me or just them. My love thinks first to maintain itself and that’s what love wants. Love wants to exist and have longevity. Love doesn’t want to bounce around from one suitor to the next. Love wants stability much more than we think.
How do you express love? How has it been shown to you? What would you consider a must for you love languages? Comment below.