I feel I am a passionate person. I give my all to friends and family, and of course to the one I am dating. I show them all they are special by calling, remembering important milestones in their lives, and by being present when it counts. I am even the type to go the extra mile to create special moments when they are down and just because. I show I am passionate for them by not hurting them intentional, by staying loyal, and being loving. Funny to some all of that isn’t enough. To some that isn’t passion, and passion only comes with a weekly screaming match, a monthly display of jealousy, or some rough sex. Well if that works for you then fine, but aggression is not passion, and passion doesn’t need aggression to be. So what is passion?
Passion is described as a strong and barely controllable emotion. These emotions can be feelings of enthusiasm and excitement; they can be lust and desire, and they are intense. It can’t be said feelings of anger can not be born of passion. I would be lying if I said a passionate person can’t become aggressive due to that passion. Passion by its nature can strip a person of common sense, but as humans with cognitive functions beyond other living creatures, we can choose how to express passion. The definition of passion says BARELY controllable emotions, which means its up to us. We can embrace the strong enthusiasm and excitement that comes from passion. We can indulge in the lust and desire for another that passion is usually attributed to. But I personally don’t enjoy the dark, aggressive side of passion.
I bring this up because when I hear people speak about passion, it is always the dangerous and dark side of passion. I honestly can’t say if people actually understand passion doesn’t have to be dark. It’s not always Fatal Attraction. It’s not always dark and dangerous, but like all things in life, it is all up to you. I guess for me, I am a little more than annoyed at having to fight against the aggressive view of passion. As I stated I am a passionate person. I am a big ball of emotions, and become passionate about many things. I am passionate about my writing, writing everyday for hours. I am passionate about my Buddhist practice, increasing my studies as it become more of my life. I am passionate about my friends, and them knowing I am there for them always. All of these things are passion but I’m not aggressive in sharing those passions with people. Does that make me any less passionate?
I dated a man who took me deep into despair once. Things were great in the beginning, but as time continued he became distant. I am the type to let people be themselves. If them being themselves affects me negatively,
I am the type of person to raise the issue as soon as it’s noticed to just nip it in the bud and move forward. Sometimes, I hope their actions are a phase, and can let my conflict avoidance qualities take over, lengthening the time of discomfort before finally communicating my need for change. With him, I wanted things to work so bad I held my tongue for the most part. When we finally would have a conversation it was always in anger, mostly on his part as I tend to shut down when voices are raised. Two days before the end of the relationship, our conversation got so heated, words were no longer available and things turned physical. To me that was the end of the relationship, but he saw it as me finally showing passion. Me putting that man in a headlock was passion apparently.
I share this story because he wasn’t the first or last person I’ve encountered that felt passion was about anger, raised voices, and aggression. He chose to ignore the breakfasts in bed. He chose to ignore me letting him have the last slice, drive my car ( I let no one drive my baby), making him soup when he was sick (withdrawal), and other acts of love and kindness. I did those things because I loved him deeply, and my passion for us was to make it work no matter what. I don’t even need to go into our bedroom activities, which is only one aspect to showing love, desire, and passion for another person. For him and for many, passion will only be anger and aggression, and thus we needed to end.
I challenge everyone to look at their views on passion. Is passion to you nothing more than a showing of anger, jealousy, and aggression? And if so how is that working for you? Have you missed out on a great friend or relationship because their passion wasn’t wrapped up in the image you felt it should be? I know it has for me but in looking deeply at my wants and needs, I have found what matters most. I look at love and friendship differently, with passion being more positive for me than ever before.
So evaluate what passion means to you. I have decided to get my passion fix in much better ways. And yes, I’m passionately happy about it.