Don’t bother MY Curtains

manbehind-1Who doesn’t love The Wizard of OZ? I mean classics are classic because of their ability to resonate not just in that time but for generations to come. And who wasn’t a bit disappointed the wizard turned out not to be all great and powerful. The curtain came back, and we saw the smoke and mirrors; we saw the mechanics and the mysterious and whimsy of a great and powerful OZ vanished. Life happens the same way. Our expectations are always being smashed but reality, or our perceptions of reality. Everyone wants to understand; or so they say. Everyone wants answers and the truth? So in thinking about the truth and reality, for some reason I went back to that wonderful movie I saw as a child and had to ask, was he great and powerful?

This is not going to be a movie review about The Wizard of OZ. There have been many many reviews and analysis of the themes and the real world implications the movie brought to the surface. My idea about the curtain came during my day one meditation using the new 21 day Deepak and Oprah Meditation Challenge called, ” Manifesting True Success”. I began to think about success and how I currently feel very successful, but to the outside looking in, they see something else. This isn’t fear or doubt speaking; I have had several people inquiry about the progression of my life, not seeing or understanding the growth but claiming that is what they are trying to do. But why?

Judgement-4I haven’t been working for a while. It’s not like I don’t have the skills needed to find a job, but at first doubt and shame held me back; then I decided to use the break and support of my family to look deeply at what I need out of life. I began to deepen my spiritual connection to myself and the universe within and write more. As a result, I actually switched my career goals, became a better friend, and will have a finished book in a couple of months. I also have decided to re-enter academia and receive my degree in Psychology with a minor in Buddhist studies. This was not the path I saw for myself a year ago or even a few months ago; but by taking it slow and being deliberate with my feelings and actions, I have found myself and my path. But some see a scrub, wasting his time on this planet and not contributing.

imageFor a while, I didn’t really go out to events or want to meet new people. I was embarrassed. Often times when meeting people, they want to ask after pleasantries, ” So what do you do for a living?” I cringed at the thought and shut myself in. I could say I write a blog, I’m working on a novel, and I’m deepening my spirituality, but to them, they’re all hobbies until I’m making money from any of those endeavors. I have been told just that several times, sending me to a dark place in my mind and to bad habits to escape THEIR reality. It would have been easier to just lie but I’m not really into lying anymore, and I’m no longer ashamed.

imageI find that when I explain my current path to those that want to “understand”, I’m really being ask to prove I’m not a bum. I’m being asked to prove I even have a path to someone who really just want to judge my path by their standards. They might say it is out of concern, and I don’t doubt there is some concern for my well-being at play, but I find often times “understanding” is really a path to judgment in many circumstances. It’s not their fault and I don’t see it as malicious, but it can be damaging nonetheless. To me, it’s all about what will I gain by my inquiry into someone’s life? Why do I really need to understand that person’s path? Am I being helpful or harmful with my words and comments to them?

These questions are not for me to answer, but for many people to silently ask themselves. My time in exile has afforded me an insight about myself many aren’t able to achieve. They are working to put food on the table, take trips, and be a contributing member to society and by societies standards. imageI could easily share names of those I have helped just by existing, and by the little insight I have courtesy of the universe and my lack of a paying job; but trust me, I am working every day. I am working on building myself back up to enter the field of study that suits my passions and my spirit. I am working to contribute more than money but contribute to the soul and spirit of those I encounter. I am working to understand the only thing any of I should be concerned about understanding…myself.

The curtain is there for a reason, and you have to ask yourself, why do you really want a peek behind. But in any case, don’t touch my curtain.

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