I should probably share if we are friends, hell, we might meet briefly at one time and I just happen to see something, hear something, or just feel something I couldn’t shake off; chances are it will end up in a blog at some point or another. I’m always kind in terms of not revealing names or too many specifics. And I like to think I keep to my normal habit of being fair and balanced ( every time I use that phrase I curse Fox News for cheapening it ). So today I am giving another nod to a good friend I felt was maybe jumping the gun a little. He’s going to kill me.
So my good gurlfriend, my good Judy, ( it’s a guy but you know how some gays like to call everyone ‘gurl’ ) had decided to come out of his self-imposed isolation and begin making friends again. He has a renewed energy and spirit that is filled with optimism despite still dealing with doubt and past inner demons. No one ever is a picture of health and sanity; and I’ve got plenty of my own demons I recount often on this blog. Anyone who knows me knows I have no problem going into details about my checkered past, sometimes smiling at how unbelievable it all sounds. Yeah I write because my life has been so out there I should capitalize on it somehow, and an autobiography would be thought of as fiction anyway so hey, I turned my true life into several fiction stories I am will begin publishing soon. But enough about me.
After a certain age it is almost impossible to meet new friends that actually become friends. When we were younger, we met friends at school, as it was where we spend the majority of our time, and the easiest way as we were still developing our personalities and our list of dos and donts. As time went on, if we weren’t as successful as others, we made friends at work. Sometimes it could be coworkers, and other times regular customers we just happen to have a good rapport with and took a chance. Another way to make friends was through other friends. Hanging out at house parties is one of my favorite because most aren’t thirsty for a hook up as they might be at a bar or club. House parties and dinner parties are more social, and open a person up with its intimate and cozy surroundings. But if all these options aren’t available to you, or one isn’t able to capitalize on such activities, then what?
Social media can be a good way to meet people. Facebook has groups for like-minded people, and sometimes you find someone who is local. Sometimes you can notice a mutual friend you didn’t know you had but maybe always wanted to chat with so in an instant you make contact and hopefully a true connection. I have been thrilled with my social media friend gathering. I’ve met some awesome Buddhist from my groups on Facebook, and be able to see the mutual friends that I didn’t know I had with others ( some I couldn’t understand either but that’s me being mean).
Another, all be it less effective way to make friends is through dating sites. So yes I understand dating site are for dating and yes even the all too common hook up, but I have also made several lifelong friends that I have never hooked up with from dating sites. In those instances we might have gone on a first date that illuminated a friendship only; or the intent on the first encounter was that of a friendship from the beginning. I’ve always felt all things are what we make it to be. The intent and connection really dictates what the end result will be; so I tend to get over what medium I’m using to get to where I want.
With all that set up, now it’s time for the real. I’m worried about my friend because while this energy and good vibe wave he is on is great, I’m struggling to see what has changed in his approach to life and meeting these people that he feels will yield him the results he wants. Basically what’s new other than a smile? He is using the same means as before to make friends, going to the same sites, events, reconnecting and hanging with the same old friends but what’s new?
I can confess that our friendship is one of those re-connection. We have had a few major falling outs but the place we both are at currently is so strong I don’t see another one on the horizon ( unless he hates this blog ). Because I know I am not the same person I have invited him to new adventures I am currently on and introducing him to new people along the way. I don’t know his other friends to know if this same kind of new journey is happening so I can’t say whether he will be just setting himself up for more of the same.
I write this blog to everyone excited about life and it’s possibilities. My experience has shown me that excitement is not enough. The approach that has made the difference to me is adjustment. I don’t drive the same way to work every time. I don’t approach new friends in the same way I use to either. Sometimes I use the same outlet as before but I make sure even there I’m doing something different because it would be insane to use what wasn’t working. But the biggest thing I did was know when the time was right. I knew myself to know whether I was just on an unsustainable cloud, or solid ground with my intentions and my new approach which admittedly would be a test anyway, but a test of something I hadn’t done and couldn’t know outcome.
I love my friends and want nothing but the best for them. How do you tell someone really on that life high they could be ahead of themselves on this one?