We are all on a journey of self. Some are trying to deepen their connection with the universe and it’s wisdom (ME), while others are just trying to not get trampled by life. Some are sponges and vessels for the universe ( ME again ), while others ignore the signs in a state of survival mode. But in the end ,the journey is ours alone and should be respected for its individualness (not a word but I like it ). So why as I am a huge proponent of individual experience am I still being told to dial my own back?
I learn from everyone I come into contact with. A broad statement but it’s true because I decided to do so. Those close to me hear me speak about decisions all the time because it’s really the whole way to snatch control of the unpredictable, and feel safe in this unsafe world. To decide is to show strength and a level of awareness that empowers everything from your job, dating, friends, and it’s as comforting as a big ol bowl of soup ( I love soup ). When people decide to give up responsibilities, claiming they had no choice, the world was against them, and any number of other excuses when things don’t go well, they are effectively giving up control and power. Truly they are waiting and hoping but they aren’t acting as the will of nature really allows. So when people vent to me ( I don’t say complain until it’s the twelfth time and I’m pretty annoyed ) I always bring it back to when they decided to head in the direction they are in.
So here is my decision, I’m a walking fortune cookie. I recently shared my fear of sounding like I’m trying to be a Buddhist guru. This is an old fear of mine, not directly tied to Buddhism but just to me being a deep thinker who enjoys knowledge and expressing that knowledge. I have always been fearful of coming off egotistical or elitist, as such I played small. When I did become more well versed in Buddhism I feared coming off too indifferent or apathetic. The reality is most people want you to be in the sadness with them. They aren’t venting and sharing for resolution, but to have a co pilot on their pity party. They want to stay stuck and that in truth is my biggest fear.
Buddhism teaches one to look at the reasons behind the actions they might be hurting from. It helps to find personal responsibility because in truth that is the only thing one can do. I can’t correct the actions of someone who wronged me, especially if they are fine with it themselves. I can look at what lead to me being around that person, not seeing what that person was capable of until the end, and how I react after I’m left to pick up the pieces. See I have to pick up the pieces of all the situations I put myself into and make no mistake, we all put ourselves into most of the situations we are in. The problem is most don’t see that fact and that’s when the venting starts and that’s when I open up my next fortune cookie.
I don’t go out of my way to say something wise or timely. I don’t go out of my way to be supportive and sturdy. Honestly I don’t see myself as any of those things. I see myself as observant and inquisitive. When I drop off a pearl it truly comes from a place I only have brief access to. My life goal is to be able to access it at will and 24/7 but for the most part it is still situational. I enjoy being that person for people because let’s face it, we all have other friends who we can go out and get drunk with, cursing the world with them. I have a few friends I avoid when I am not ready for the hard truth but I appreciate when they come with it because that is who they are.
It’s funny how I will begin to write a piece and through the course of wrapping it up I find the answer and true message I want to convey. I’m that fortune cookie friend. I have played small all my life and I’m just not willing to now. If my access to the universal wisdom bothers you than you have choices. If you are annoyed I wont just drink to your bad decisions but will offer another option and a way to a better life, again you have choices. I can only be myself. Being someone else has done nothing but bring me so much pain. I truly have been that, “everything to everyone” person most of my life but no longer.
I seriously was feeling bad for spreading positive messages to people. I seriously thought I was in the wrong for being uplifting and helpful. Honestly I feel a weight lifted. I can now be true to myself and stop all the confusion by being unabashedly me. When you come my way, be ready for a fortune cookie.