I have decided as tradition fades from our society, I need to continue to bring light to the issues facing traditions regarding love. I previously wrote a piece on the Lost Art of dating, but it dawned on me I skipped over the basic foot in the door process called flirting. It really only came to mind as I was recently hit on in an aggressive and highly sexual matter that turned me completely off. In the past I might have responded, but as I think of it now, I only would have because I too was unaware of the treat power and art of flirting. Let’s review.
Flirting is a silly, fun and dangerous thing. It’s dangerous more if it doesn’t yield the desired results, but also if used by those with malice in their heart. Make no mistake, flirting can be used for good and evil, but at this point it’s used so rarely and ineffectively I’m not at all worried about the trained players out their. When flirting is done correctly with an intent that is honorable, that energy is what shines through and truly seals the deal. The great thing about flirting is its ability to lighten the mood, put others at easy and really just be a fun experience.
Full disclosure I don’t flirt. It’s not to say I haven’t but I currently have chosen to be more direct. If I see someone I am interested in, I smile and really just ask them if they would be interested in an actual date. I could use a bit more flirt in my game but in the moment ( and being out of practice ) I have gone more towards the hard directness of strength. It is an approach that has a high success rate however it is completely looks based. Without the flirt, the showing of ones personality is erased. That person you are interested in only has your outer appearance, and maybe a drop of your confidence due to actually asking them out. In the end a successful relationship wont be had by looks alone. Being able to flirt, show off your style, personality, confidence and charm are what most people want and the best opening for best lasting results.
The main competent to flirting is confidence. You cannot deliver silly, fun and personality on shaky ground. You’re hands sweating will be off putting; a stumble of a fumble will be a turn off. No one says they said yes because he displayed low self-esteem. I don’t mean this to be discouraging but once you have decided I will speak to this person, go in and do it, damn the results. Like most things in life, I recommend failing a bunch because that allows you to retool and rework for the best you. Confidence comes when the results aren’t as important as feeling good in your own skin and proud you had the guts to go for what you want.Once you are resolute and confidence in what you have to offer and enjoying the experience it’s now time to flirt.
Flirting boils down to target audience and paying attention. If you really are sincere than you shouldn’t flirt the same way with everyone. In no way will I ask to buy a man a drink when he has a full one in front of him. I also will make sure I notice if he has been drinking water all evening or that’s his fifth shot. In all situation it is important to study something about the person before rushing in. At the cafe I’ll notice whether he appears too engrossed for long conversation, maybe waiting for someone else, or even my type beyond the physical. The physical will also draw a person in, but I can’t tell you how often someone with confidence and a smile will win over the object of their desire, and look a mess at the same time.
And let’s talk about that smile. When you smile you are showing warmth and the ability to be happy and joyous. Those are traits many people require in a partner and just by smiling, lifting those features in the face, softening the eyes (which really are the window to the soul ) you pretty much only need to not come off unintelligent or a general jerk to crack through the wall. You see flirting really is about energy emanating from you to connect with the energy of your desired one. All signs need to point to a non threatening, genuine and warm spirit. The eyes, the smile, the confidence that isn’t arrogance or ego deliver that before words are even spoken.
Since we are now passed what your body language should be broadcasting, it’s time for the final note on flirting. I’ve already discussed how it should be tailored for the object of your desire, and that tailoring happens because you are being observant, ( not eye stalking ) and genuine. It’s important now to talk about what should be said. First it shouldn’t be a corny line. Even as I say that it can be a corny line. The true message I wanted to share is flirting is about energy. Flirting starts with a genuine heart, conviction and warm. The words that follow only need to be strong in your confidence of your intent. Anyone being approached wants to feel special so in terms of the words, be yourself, be deliberate, be fun and be sincere even if it’s a corny line.
This day and age relies so heavily on online dating that makes flirting so hard. Sarcasm (which I don’t recommend through texts ), jokes, and just being silly is almost impossible online. We are brought to be just a physical specimen with this medium, which is why flirting is almost extinct. But if you want to be a bit retro, take your dating attempts out on dry land and flirt your way to something exciting.
Be silly, have fun, be genuine, be light and bring back the flirt.