Chaos as My Type

wpid-img_1705135164525611.jpegI’ve always said I don’t have a type. I actually still know that to be the truth, as I don’t go for any specific age ( under 30 will have an uphill battle ), I don’t exclude anyone on race or ethnicity, and body types don’t have to be cover model material like others I know ( too skinny will turn me a bit off though ). Like most I do have things that catch my eye like body hair, dark features and tattoos, but I see my preferences as bonus points in this game of dating. But as I look back at the personalities of my past relationships, and attempts at one, something really stuck out and it was chaos.

I am a Virgo if there ever was one. I’m organized, intellectual, creative, and some form of OCD is present, but I’m also on the cusp so my Libra side has me screaming for balance in my life and even where my partner is concerned. I also was born in the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese Zodiac which pretty much has all the same attributes as a Virgo being clever, witty, intellectual, and agile. With me, my cerebral side is pretty much amped up being dual signs and I find the best balance for me is someone a bit wild and unusual.

imageI live in my head. Sometimes I have friends that want me to “dial is back” but I can’t stop using my mind. I enjoy learning new things daily about the world and myself, and I mean if you really want the cookies ( when I’m not in a slutty mood that is ) you have to stimulate my mind first. I do have friends that are close enough to my intellectual level, with one or two surpassing me, but while I’m getting all that stimulation, I never think of them sexually or have truly dated anyone that I can truly match wits with me. Some have come close, and with that the drama and chaos begins, as while they are providing for my conversational needs, they showcase a lack of emotion and empathy to lets a discussion remain civilized if there are differing views. But even with all of the back and forth, ( truly it should be described as arguing ), I come back for more, even with my rage being at a too high level for my liking. It really boils down to that edge, or really chaos that holds my attention. I need the balance of someone who really believes they can tame my wild mind, satisfy my emotional desires, and shake up my world at times.

imageSo I’ve dated some facsimiles of what I’m describing but they tend to go too hard on one of my needs or another. I usually can find a competitive enough mind to spare with, but as I mentioned they haven’t learned that conversation and debate can be calm. I can’t stay when a person using the word passion to defend aggressive behavior as if they are one in the same. A caring person can show fire without burning the one they care for, but my particular brand of chaos haven’t really displayed knowledge of that fact. I have also had those very concerned about my emotional well being, too concerned. At times even the nicest person wants to be thrown around and just manhandled (and no, not just sexually ). Being a high-minded person, the default tends to be on alpha. I’m the one that plans, organizes and makes things happen; sometimes it would be nice to have someone else take control even if it’s an epic fail. The lines for me are so thin as to a great bit of smarts, some edge for the dirty jobs I just don’t want to have to do, a caring heart who sees me because he wants to, and an exploratory mind and spirit ( yes some spiritual base is required ).

wpid-slide_336096_3390161_free.jpgValentine’s Day is coming up and believe me I don’t cry myself to sleep with wine and chocolates watching chick flicks. I am someone finally okay being a single gay man. I am someone who see Valentine’s Day as a day that really serves the retail industry more than love. But I’m human, so I have moments where I want someone to hold and who will hold me ( I don’t always want to be the big or little spoon). I want someone to look at me in a way that says, “I see more than your vessel and it’s my match”. I want love. The best part about me is I know I will find him.

I’m not looking for love or that guy. With all my preferences I can totally see some skinny 20something who is smooth all over, who reads comics, isn’t as adventurous, and has too many friends over all the time being chosen as my match. But even then I know if he is my match he will be doing something right for me to see beyond those surface issues to the point they wont be issues. The Universe doesn’t make mistakes, but it does listen to the energy of your desires and makes the best decision for your needs. I’m someone who believes in the right timing for all things so waiting isn’t a pain for me, and I still stay busy.

imageI tell everyone fall in love often; get your heart broken often. The heart and soul work like a muscle; they get stronger after each fail. Let’s make our as strong as we can for that soulmate who is out there.

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