I write about friendships, love and relationships often. I also write about knowing yourself, and not allowing opinions from others to steer you into a direction that isn’t suitable. Well let’s merger it all together.
Being a good friend to someone, you will be asked your opinion often on matters of who they might want to date or who they are currently dating. I hate giving my personal opinion on someone’s relationship because I am only getting one side, my friend’s; and only so much usually to guide my opinion towards the answer that backs up what that friend wants to hear. Anyone who knows me is aware I am not capable( any longer) of bolstering their position, or ego for the sake of keeping them in the dark with my perception. I will listen and if they just want to vent I can stay silent and let them rant as long as they have breath. However if they are truly seeking my guidance, they must be prepared to hear the worse.
When it comes to regular advice or handling an unfair boss, a relative who just can’t seem to stop asking for favors, or an outfit you know deserves to stay on the rack, I am all for it; but I have recently felt a need to stay out of others relationships. When you get together with someone, you are making a decision. You are announcing I am Ready to Love, and I am excited for you. When the image of your relationship doesn’t exactly line up with the vision commercialized by Hollywood and Jane Austin, that reality seems to throw innate senses of survival and logic out the window. I’m almost to the point of thinking love just turns people into a do anything for a hit junkie who would sell their mother for that good vibe; and have experienced my good friends casting me aside often for that new top shelf romance that just came on the market and in many cases will be yesterday’s news faster than a Fall pilot on ABC. So why in the hell would I want to get involved?
I value my friendships, and I know how I am when someone says something hateful or negative about them. Like most we go to the mat for them, so just think what happens for those who are less than supportive of a relationship that can cause your friend to be unrecognizable. Say you do speak your mind, ” Girl he is a mess, just out for your money”, or ” Man, you know he always online with his shirt off”. If they get back together, and your friend let’s it slip how you feel about them (you know it wasn’t a slip), the dynamic is forever changed. Even if your friend is able to tackle the situation without bringing your thoughts into the conversation, that friend knows how you feel and again tension can present itself. So are you being a friend by staying quiet? Should you risk the friendship to give your two cents?
Look, there isn’t an easy answer to this. I sometimes feel by asking me a question, you are wanting my opinion in my voice. Clearly depending on the situation it might be just what you need to hear, but any and all times I am directly asked for my thoughts, it will be with 100% honest with the information that I am given. Let me repeat, my thoughts are based on the information I am given, but knowing how people are, expect me to dig deeper before I ultimately come to a conclusion. The likelihood is, you’ll know exactly what I’m going to say by the follow-up questions I will ask because in reality I have no desire to give you my thoughts. I don’t even want to have thoughts about your relationship if I may be honest. I want you to figure it out. I want you to learn to think critically about the situation and communicate with the person you decided to love. You decided to love this person, not me. I’m your friend and I decided that one but in doing so, understand I am truly powerless in regards to your heart.
My suggestion is don’t put your friends in a position that could ruin your friendship when they are speaking out of love for you and concern. Don’t kill the messenger when you asked for the message in the first place. And my real suggestion is to learn to communicate better with your chosen partner because your friends didn’t choose whatever drama is a result of you feeling ready for love. And love is no joke.
Oh, the the links are to older posts of mine that relate to the topic. Please read and comment.