Scared of Beautiful

I’ve always known the true  power of music in life and for the soul. Recently I purchased the new album of a long time favorite Brandy and was amazed at how many songs told the story of my life.  One in particular gave me such a shock to my heart I felt it was time to reveal and own up to my biggest fear..myself.

Scared of beautiful tells the story of someone who is scared of the power they have inside.  I don’t see beautiful as merely surface cb964f482-1beauty but beauty from within as well. To shine no matter the surroundings and not be ashamed to be successful. It’s not just self confidence that is lacking, it’s a sense of shame that you can be great and should be great. It’s fearing reprisals from those unable to attain the level of success you can. It’s fear that you are only as good as your last whatever and the fall could destroy you.

Lyrics like ” Myself aint never talked to me like that before.” I have never said nice things to myself in the privacy of my own home. I don’t look at my blog as a triumph, I don’t look in the mirror and see beautiful.  Until recently I didn’t even have a mirror in my room, another similar lyric in this song.  I just didn’t want to be reminded of my nappy hair, less than perfect nose, and ever expanding love handles. With no mirror I could see myself as I want to be in my mind and the praise and admiration from others could stand to be the truth as long as I didn’t brush my a mirror and see my reality.

” Scared of the good more than the evil, scared of the light more than the dark, scared of the truth so much more than a lie, I’m scared of me, I’m scared to be beautiful.” I just ask myself how did she know. I actually might be beautiful but what do I do with that? With that realization can I all of a sudden develop more meaningful relationships? Will I finally establish a career I’m proud of? Does it all just come together? And I understand some might say yes, might say with that realization the real work can begin. The truth is I’m TERRIFIED. I kind of new I was scared of success and happiness. It’s tough to be living in that truth now more than the lie that  ‘it’s just not my time‘ I’ve been living in for so long.

” Turn the lamp down, don’t talk to me, that light bulb, took something from me, or gave something to me, I can’t decide, I caannt decide. Took freedom, gave purpose, can’t blend in, too perfect, all this beauty ever gave me was a reason for some beautiful lies.” I’ve turn on my own light but I can’t decide if it gave or took something from or to me. Truth does that more often than not. It’s funny, I always felt different and outside the rest. I always felt I couldn’t and shouldn’t blend in. But I always felt the pain in that realization. Beautiful lies have been my personal Godsent.

So I’d love to end and say this song, my realization has send me into a great journey to end my fear of beautiful. I wish that neat little bow was around the corner. It’s a little messier than that but as least I’m not alone in my fears. What fears do you have?

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