I am a Liar

I lie every day.  I say I have hope but I don’t. I say my destiny is rich and in time the dark cloud I live under will disappear but that dark cloud seems to be my destiny. I say I’m happy but I don’t know what happiness is. I say I’m Buddhist but I haven’t meditated in months and I join in on negative speak with my “friends”.  I say I don’t hook up but if the body is right, or the words are spoken in the right way I give in. I say I don’t cheat but I do. I have stolen products and money in my lifetime. I believe my lies day in and day out that I have class and morals, siting on my high horse while judging others.  I lie and lie and lie.  I’m a Liar to the bone.

Those sentiments came from a dark place in my life. I saw myself sitting in the same spot day in and day out and the hope that covered me just melted away. I was left with shame, anger and despair.  I went on a journey to end the lies. My first step was to meditate.  In meditation I could confront my demons and embrace them in an effort to move a step beyond them. The funny thing about demons, you can’t get rid of them. They are a part of you but you can acknowledge them, talk to them and learn how to keep them at bay. I’m not an expert but I’m becoming one with my personal demons.

My next step was to evaluate my truths, my morals and sense of pride in myself.  I admit I hold myself to a high standard of courtesy and the high horse I was on expected extreme courtesy from others. I was the type to get anger if someone didn’t call back when they said, or cancelled only a few minutes before an engagement.  I got upset that others didn’t respect the time and feelings of people they claim to be friends with or care about. I projected my practices onto them which I now see is wrong.

I’m not going to go over each step. I thought I was lying to myself when I had optimism. The world doesn’t cater to a joyous mind, body or soul.  It’s easy to doubt yourself and when you stumble it’s a given that you will.  I allowed myself to drift into misery and I then made the decision to climb out of it.  All it took was an honest look at my lies and a deep desire for truth.

I’m not a Liar. I have hope to fill the oceans. I know my destiny because I’m going to make it. I’m a strong Buddhist not because I meditate but because I believe in the spirit of the Dharma and my own Buddha nature. I condemn no one to live in my house of high morals and standards. I reject negativity from others and myself, eliminating those from my life that can not respect my wishes for a positive journey through life.

Sometimes you have to stare each demon in the face and overcome to get to where you want to be. You have to stop the lying. You have to stop the hiding. You have to stop.


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