Won’t you save me

The reason for this blog was to share my experiences and my road to the life I was promised in the stars. Yet more so I’ve been enjoying sharing my thoughts with the world and the comments I’ve received. I like sparking conversation and dialog.  I like thinking, so what’s missing.  The truth is missing from my words and blog. I’m not happy and I need help.

I was driving to a friend’s place to have lunch and my Ipod just knew to play Nicki Minaj Save Me. I slightly got emotional feeling the way I’ve been wanting to say.  The truth is I’ve been dating like crazy looking for that knight in shining armor and coming up short.  I don’t even truly know what I need saving from but I have a need, a void in my life that for some reason I just feel someone else has to fill. So what do I do?

Most would say I need to save myself. That I need to find my inner strength and pull it together. It truly is easier said than done.  I’d love to wake up one day and just feel like the world is mine to take on. I know in my mind I’m intelligent, creative, attractive and caring.  I know in my mind I can truly do anything I want but I don’t feel that way. Knowing and feeling must combine but I have no idea how to do it.

I’m not sharing to throw a pity party for myself.  I just like to be honest and upfront. I found with another post of mine where I shared my depression, that hearing someone’s personal struggle can be an inspiration for others.  I know and feel my struggles and openness helps others and I know that is part of my reason for being. I just wish I felt more about myself that I could translate into more action. I love helping others reach their goals. I love being a counselor to everyone else because for some reason I’m good at it, for others. But yeah, what about me?

I’m getting there but the snails in life are moving better than me. I feel most times like I’m standing still. I have friends who love tough love. With me still being in the same place you would think they would see how that doesn’t help me at all. A friend shared with me just yesterday, in a very nice way, that I have to get back on track and into this world at some point.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wish I was but I’m stuck and I truly don’t know when I can move forward again.

So thank you for listening.


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