Some people would think it’s impossible for men to be abused by other men. We have the strength to fight back and even leave more so than a woman, right? Wrong! Abuse isn’t about the lack of strength of the one being abused, but the mighty strength of the abuser. It also is more mental than one might think because the control is both in an abusive relationship. So does domestic violence really happen in the gay community..Yes.
The first thing one might think about is a more effeminate man being abused by a butch muscular type guy. It’s true this type of relationship could be seen as a common and easy relationship to flash as the poster child for gay domestic violence but in the absent of this kind of disparity, how else can domestic violence occur in same-sex male relationships? One that really jumps out at me is money. It’s hard to leave an abusive relationship when you aren’t the bread-winner. You think how will I survive without this man in my life paying the bills and keeping me in the lifestyle I have been accustomed to. Where will I go?
Sometimes it’s just a simple yet complicated thing called love. Love can truly make an easy decision extremely hard. You think the abuse that is new is just a phase and he loves you too much for it to continue. Or maybe you feel if you just love him more he will stop. And of course the abuser knows to play on that love to ensure you stay to be hit again. The ‘”I’m sorry'” flowers, vacation, and dinner are just some of the tools to keep you around. But those are things from a kind abuser. At the extreme the abuser can use fear to keep you there as his toy and stress relief. And yes you can rape the willing. To think because one doesn’t fight back during rape, and just allows it to happen isn’t true rape is plain and simple foolishness.
The issue of domestic violence isn’t an easy one to solve. I don’t have the answer but the way to find it is through dialog. The stigma of a male being abused must be taken away or they will continue to suffer in silence. I have never been hit myself. I would quickly be in jail because I would kill him at the first moment his guard was down. But I have been mentally abused in my relationships. I was called fat, I was trapped by being lowered on the money scale, and the main thing was the fear I would never be loved again. It’s hard to escape when your core self isn’t strong like it should be. In the end I was able to see my worth and escape what could have destroyed me. That’s my story but it’s not the case for so many stuck. Be a friend and let’s do something about it.