To believe your own lie

It is so easy to lie to yourself. I’m happy is the easiest and most common lie there is.  I’m comfortable is a close second and let’s not forget I’m fine. Courage to recognize your faults, your needs, and ask for help is in short supply in the world.  No one teaches you to be honest with your feelings and be vulnerable.  As a man, please, show your emotions or weaknesses and you are completely queer and a pussy.

I have lived my whole life being fine and holding in the truth.  It all came out a few years ago to the point I had to seek a therapist to work it out.  Even with therapy I remained guarded and distance from family and friends until when I was so “fine” and “happy” I traveled down the wrong path, crashed and realized I had been lying to myself the whole time.  I wasn’t fine or happy but I was on the way there.  I mis-took small gains as big ones. I took the absence of disaster as the presence of balance and peace.  The one thing I never did was dig down deep and find the real root of my initial problems.

This isn’t a problem just in my life. Most people hold in their struggles and put on a brave face, and who can blame them.  No one wants to be assaulted with stories of troubled times every time you ask ‘How are you’. The idea that the world would become a soft and whiny place is the main concern and I certainty can share the concern but that fear has sent too many people into depressions arms as they stumble through life repressed.

So what is the cure? Well it isn’t Prozac although it was a good start for me. The main thing we have to do is decrease the stigma of sharing negative emotions.  Stop suffering in silence and allowing yourself to be “fine”.  I want to be more than fine.  I want to be exciting and free. I want to shout every day and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to mean it when I say I’m thrilled at life and know that happy is a standard in my life.

Stop lying to yourself.


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