I don’t live in a small town but the gay community here is incredibly tiny. We don’t have a gay section like The village or Castro district and we only have three gay clubs. The main way gay men meet in my area is through the internet and mostly one site, Adam4Adam, yes the gay hookup site. I spoke about this site on my other post, Buffering and Disconnects, but the site is very difficult to navigate mainly due to the misleading profiles men post to disguise the fact they only want to get down. So I myself have used the site and actually found friends and decent relationships on there. So why this post? Ghosts of dating’s past attacked me at the club this past weekend.
I went out with a friend who needed to calm his mind after a breakup; I can relate. It started off pretty nice, the music was good and my drink was nice and strong (lesbian bartenders and make a damn strong drink). Everything was good until I saw ghost number one. This guy, we will call him white guy who loves black men, or Joe for short. Joe was with his latest black man of the week. Every time I see him he has a different guy but I can understand because he was a weird date. We only went on one date but from the animal noises he made out of the blue and high-pitched shout at Barnes and Noble when he found a book he liked, there was no way a second date was going to happen even though he’s very attractive. So I saw Joe, made eye contact and like all the other times we didn’t speak. The sad part is we have mutual friends so when I do mingle and greet people he still gives me the cold shoulder. In any event, Joe was in my area all night which was uncomfortable to say the least until I spotted Ghost number two.
Ghost two, or should I say risky sex guy that will never get tested and knowingly has unprotected sex with HIV positive men, or Stupid for short. Stupid never once came up to me that night. We did spot each other but I avoid him at every turn. He invited me to dinner and was so quiet the whole time. But his phone wasn’t and he continuously answered text messages throughout. It was obvious it wasn’t a match but it was solidified when he mentioned a friend of his that I was acquainted with years ago. He proceeded to tell me his personal information like his status. He then shared after our dinner he was going to have a group sex orgy with this gentleman and a few others, and had the nerve to invite me to join. No second date.
That evening at the club I saw two more Ghost. I wouldn’t say I date too much but with first dates like those, it’s expected to rack up a few. I’d never really been put in a situation where I had to see men I had a horrible date with again and so often due to the small gay community in my area. So now I am learning what to do when Ghost attack. Ignore them. If you are actively dating and hoping to find love, it’s conceivable you will run into a few ghost along the way. You could try to show them how much they lost out on the good thing you are or pay them no mind and get on with your life. In the end, I danced my butt off and had a great night.