I have been a faithful online dater since I was a newly gay teen. Without being able to go to the gay clubs, and with my area being part of the BibleBelt( “Pat Robertson’s CBN is across the street from me), their isn’t any gay areas or bookstores to meet gay men. America Online and Gay.com were my first stop in cyber dating and ultimately cyber hook ups. It’s been over a decade and I can tell you I am still confused how to navigate gay dating sites as if I was just starting out.
The definition of insanity I often hear people say to continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. The whole gay community is insane. It’s funny to me how many of the same men I’ve seen in my local chat room and hookup sites still looking for that perfect man. The list of requirements are staggering it’s no wonder most men stay single. I use to fall victim to a particular look and I assure you it’s a recipe for more and more lonely years. Yes you have to have an attraction to the one you are with but does he really have to be 6’2 with tattoos all over his body? If that is the only way you will be happy, I’d stock up on prozac and get a life alert button because you will be alone. It’s also not to say you should settle but I’ve learned that my emotional desires were more important to me than my physical ones. It’s not settling if you are happy and remember, beauty fades and then you are left with an ugly old partner and nothing to talk about.
I have found good friends and amazing love through the internet. I’ve also had a lot of, hmmm, physical joys as well but I’m getting older and there has to be more; I know there is more. So I continue my insane ways, hoping I will find that one in a million who is more about deep connections than deep penetration but it’s time to change my tactics. I don’t want to make it sound like it’s a game but if anyone is at all familiar with the gay hunting groups online(Adam4Adam, Manhunt, etc) their is some strategy that must be employed. And while I understand the sites I’ve mentioned are not for love and true friendship, there aren’t any I am aware of that are, aside from putting out a personal add for $30 a month.
So I switched my process, tired of looking for love and just wanting to find people to connect with. I want a life filled with good people and a love that I know is based off more than my muscles or flexibility. I want lasting friendships but I have found a new disconnect. Profile you read that claim friendships is their aim also have age, race and sex requirements. I’m longing for simple times. I’m longing for true in advertisement as well.
These sites are filled with insane men so be careful. Maybe it’s time to reboot.