Double Negative-Colored boy in the gay community.

I read a wonderful article on the gay communities treatment of interracial couples. The focus was on black and white couples as most other interracial couples don’t seem to have the same stigma as black and white couples do.  As someone who dates all races, I can say I myself was most uncomfortable in my early dating life being with white men because of the looks I received.  But this article isn’t about interracial couples.  My thoughts have shifted to the difficult task of being a black man in the gay community and to be frank, it sucks.

When I first began in the gay community, it shocked me to see the segregated areas in the “mixed” clubs (naive I know), and the race requirements in gay profiles online. I had and still have a hard time dating even my own race, as a large number of black gay men are only into white men.  Over time I realized the image of what was attractive always had a white face attached to it.  In gay movies the cast is all white.  In gay magazines, you are luck to have any other race other than white, unless they are purposely showcases hot Asian men or Latin Papis. But it seems the bottom of the barrel is unfortunately black men. I sometimes read the Hot 100 list on and even they comment on the lack of people of color on their on list, but the viewers vote and rank the men, so it’s not that surprising.

Black men are often times over sexuality.  The rough thug brotha, the Mandingo size of their member ,or even on the negative end, weed smokers, unemployed and DL black stereotypes.  I can say all of these categories are in the black gay community, but I have seen an equal amount in the white gay community as well.  One of the worst things I’ve seen is how black movies also showcase a stereotypical image of themselves, i.e. Noah’s Arc and The DL Chronicles. I would however say Noah’s Arc did do a better job at showing a range of gay black men, but they fell into mainstream with all of Noah’s love interest and Ricky’s sexual conquests. What I have found is white people in general seem to hide their faults a bit better, while black people tend to broadcast more.  It can also be said that with white people being in the majority, it wouldn’t make sense to cast your own people in a negative light.

So what does a gay black man do?  Live your life.  It’s not possible to change the mind of anyone, as  people are comfortable with what is familiar. I refuse to play into the idea that I am not as attractive as the next man because I am black.  I’m not a thug, DL, weed-head or any other negative stereotype you want to place on black men.  I’m not hyper-sexual or a Mandingo( and get no complains on my member). My worth is not defined by my race just my deeds and heart.

In the end everyone needs to love each other on what they observe in each individual person. Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, everyone is beautiful and worthy of love.


6 thoughts on “Double Negative-Colored boy in the gay community.

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  1. Hi I am a white guy living in Australia and I agree with you 100%!! I am so sick of seeing only ‘white guys’ represented in Gay media and culture!! Being gay is for me the celebration of difference and diversity, but anyone looking at gay magazines , TV shows or Movies would think a gay man is a ‘white rich guy’!! There seems to be just as much if not more judgmental attitudes in gay culture as in any other culture!! (guess being we are all humans it must be a learned societal construcstion) I do not believe we are born to be this way!! Society like to put people in boxes, and piegion holes, we all are supposed to fit into some form of groupings. The day we as humans can learn to embrace and love the differences between us is the day that things may change for the better!! 😉 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My friends and I had a conversation about how its tough for the black man in the gay community. It’s very unfortunate. I’ve recently found that some men only want black men because of some fetish. Maybe I’m naive, but I never really noticed it before. A few of my friends have commented on it, so maybe it does exist.


    1. Gordon bleeding Bennett, this seems to be quite a plpaour topic here.Gay men are attracted to men and a man’s appearance doesn’t detract anything from his gender, so a gay man who is attracted to feminine men is attracted to the man beneath the outer appearance.


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