You are great, but it’s over nice guy.

I hate to admit it but in love, and in my opinion the gay community, nice guys for sure finish last. For a time I was that nice guy who gave my all to my partner and was always begging for love and attention.  It seemed the nicer and more available I was, the less my partner was interested and soon it was over. It wasn’t until I was able to date a few nice guys I realized what my problem was, and then became the one breaking the hearts of the guy I use to be.

It comes down to identity. In the midst of the relationship, I didn’t realize how much I was giving up to be the idea of the perfect boyfriend.  I was no longer hanging out with my friends, trying to make sure if my partner wanted to get together I was always free. I was easily swayed to engage in activities I didn’t like all in an effort to make sure he was happy, often at my expense. In short, the changes I made to be perfect were causing my partner to lose the reason he fell for me in the first place.

I had relationships where I was waking up to sweet texts, receiving flowers at work, and even hand written letters in the mall. It was all very sweet but a bit suffocating.  In the beginning it just felt more balanced. As the relationship went on, it felt as though my partner was pulling rabbits out of a hat just to make sure I wouldn’t leave him.  He use to talk about art, movies, music, and just his day.  It soon became about me and always us and the future. The ease was gone and all I felt was pressure.  It wasn’t until that relationship I realized why nice guys have a hard time.

It’s not to say being romantic and making grand gestures it’s a wonderful thing.  I just know that even after this relationship, in the next I did the same thing. I was so into being the best boyfriend, I stopped being the person he fell in love with.  I was no longer confident but insecure, I was no longer relaxed but structured, I was no longer goal oriented but complacent, I was just trying to be perfect.  All I needed to do was be myself.

So listen nice guys, it’s great that you want to be perfect and the ideal man but don’t lose yourself.  You have to maintain self in all that you do.  Yes it’s great to be romantic and think of your partner but ease can go a long way. You are already the kind of perfect he is looking for and that’s why he chose you.  Remember your worth and the relationship will take care of it’s self.

Stay nice though. Bad boys never work in the end.

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