Long ago I saw myself as being alone. I wished I was adopted and that my real parents would save me from this life of misery. I carried that feeling with me up until a few weeks ago. My reason I could say was my general depression. I felt like not only were my parents against me but those I thought were my friends as well. I only had stories I would write and television to keep me company. I felt that my parent’s leaving me alone was a sign that they didn’t care but only recently did I find out what they were really thinking.
You only find out what people think by asking them. You only get what you want by asking for it. So I hit rock bottom a few weeks ago. I thought the only thing to do was to run away and leave everyone to avoid disappointment from them. I still felt alone but I wasn’t. A concerned friend phoned my parents who then phoned me repeatedly to come home and deal with things as a family. After driving around and meeting with my therapist, I did go home and was welcomed with tears and open arms. After a nap and some good food it was time to talk and clear the air.
My parents loved me more than anything but they didn’t know how to help me. They saw me struggle and were lost at how to fix things. As I waited for them to rescue me, they waited for me to ask for help. My feelings were all a misunderstanding and now our relationship is on the mend.
A parent’s love takes on all kinds of forms. If a parent does love, they love through the good and the bad. You can only truly know by asking and letting their love in. I now see it is in the DNA of a parent to love unconditional, and while there are many who never get that love, I have been blessed to finally see I was one of the lucky ones. I refuse to feel ashamed or even like a spoiled child for accepting the help of my parents in my time of need.
Would it be better for me to pull myself up on my own? Sure. It’s always admirable if one can make a way from nothing and with no help. But think of the courage a 31yo man has to have to ask his parents, no less for help. A man asking anyone for help is rare but to go back home and start from scratch, with all the negative connotations surrounding it(Scrub, dead beat, etc), I can say I have more courage than most.
I plan to show my courage by re-entering higher educations and fulfilling the dreams my parents have for me. But also this is about my dreams. I wasted many opportunities on chasing the wrong thing. This second chance will mean something. And I have to thank my parent’s love.