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This is an extremely hard post for me. I’m a man in love with a man who doesn’t want to be with me. After yelling and arguing, and me not understanding why either of us were in it, he finally had enough and cut off his feelings. He was done, smiling and already hunting the next for fun times. I felt like a bit of it was a show to make me hate him since I was so unwilling to leave on my own accord. Now I’m brokenhearted. Que the music Brandy and Wanya-Brokenhearted.
How could he just walk out the door? How could he not love me anymore? How can you call me husband and so easily stop? This was a case of open relationship gone wrong, but more importantly it was impossible for him to really respect me. He caused me so much pain and then followed it with ” I love you”. Rage is what I felt then inconsolable pain. Que the second song Aaliyah-The One I Gave My Heart To.
I can honestly say we didn’t know how to love each other. We went in thinking we knew how to make the other person happy and loved the way we always had. We didn’t ask the right questions and the only one that was important was, ” How do you like your love?” I tried a few times to get him to have a serious conversation about expectations but fun was more important. He wanted to live by the moment and be carefree but we never discussed rules for the open relationships or needs from each other. It was half-assed. It was the greatest love I’ve known and the worst. Two more songs and then I’ll stop. Lauryn Hill-Ex-Factor
So here I am wondering why I was allowed to fall in love with someone that wasn’t suppose to work. Why did I have to learn love’s lesson and have it almost destroy me? Why couldn’t I say goodbye when it was most important? I don’t have the answer to any of these questions. I’m a guy who loves love so much I don’t take care of myself in the process. Let me rephrase that. I was a guy who loved love so much I didn’t take care me myself. I’m not that guy anymore. While love is my desired path, I know I will survive. Sorry you must have know this song was coming. Gloria Gaynor–I Will Survive
So I might not have been the first to say goodbye but I know it was the right move for both of us. Am I over him..No. Do I want him back…depends on how lonely I get. Am I moved on…depends on the day. But I will find love, healthy love. Still wish though it was him. How sad am I? I lied, last song. Lyfe Jennings–Goodbye