Surviving or Living?

I can’t say that all of my post will be thought provoking but this one was begging to be written. I recently fell in love with a survivor.  Through no fault of his own, he was born to a family that also only knew how to survive.  Joy was still plenty by the stories he shared with me but the hard times were straight out of the movies.  Early death, hustling to just eat, depending on the kindness of others but even that kindness had a price.  Value of spirit and body was blurred from time to time, but the LORD will always provide.

Life has always been a minute by minute living situation.  The luxury of planning ahead was not at his disposal.  All that I have said is opinion rooted in some fact.  Ask him and while he knows his life was harder in the grand scheme of things, he wouldn’t trade it for anything.  It’s what he know and those experiences shaped who he is today.  He turns water to wine.  I’ve seen it more times than I can count.  He is never without what he needs.  He doesn’t whine or beg or take pity on himself.  He truly is a survivor and I judged him.

I like to think I don’t judge but I did.  I wanted to change his life from merely surviving to truly living but where I made the mistake was, I myself was and still am merely surviving.  I survive the many men I date, hoping one would ground me to stop surviving and start living. I survive family function afraid if I am being myself I will be tossed aside.  The real me has been buried deep due to just wanting to survive.

My career path been a string of jobs I didn’t enjoy full just so I can survive the days and weeks ahead. I never followed my passions for fear of failure.  But I was judging a man who from my perspective was surviving but had found a way to live as well.  So now i’m left pondering what is living and how do I do it?

If you think I have the answer you have come to the wrong blog. I just know surviving is not enough for me.  And judging does know good.  This same man told me that everyone judges and while I said know being idealistic, he is right but it doesn’t have to be.  If it is only me I will not judge anymore.  The ideas of good and bad, right and wrong, and even surviving and living put value on ideas that really don’t need any.  Value is action.  Value is subjective.  My first step on the road to living is stopping judgement and value.  To be cliche…

Live and let LIVE.

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2 thoughts on “Surviving or Living?

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  1. Intrensic value in life can be tough to alearn when growing up from the mental standpoint of, like you said, surviving. Just remember, thoughts become things. The warrior can practice his footwork and sword strikes for hours on end but when the time comes on the eve of battle, he must remember his training lest he fall back into the pit of defeat.

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