I was watching the season finale of Games of Thrones when I had a thought. Ages ago marriage was a contract. It was the merger of houses for profit, land and strength. It was strategy more than emotion and while romance was a wonderful thing, there wasn’t much in the way of divorce back then. Evidence suggests love can grow over time with friendship and compassion being a starting point. So while now we look for that spark, that body, that Nicholas Sparks romance; we might want to get back to the basics on this one.
I’ve been looking for love for a while and I have friends that have been doing it longer than I have. Once, I decided to make a deal with someone I was attracted to but figure I could probably do better so I never really attempted anything serious at first. We decided that if in a few years we were still single, we would commit to each other and make it work. It started and ended quickly especially when I found that fairy tale spark with another. I just wasn’t ready to give up on that dream and I am still single.
Now I can hear the naysayers now. Love isn’t a contract or arrangement, but love comes from all kinds of places. Friends who never thought about sex or love fall for each other all the time. Sometimes its just something small that can turn respect and friendship into love that last a lifetime. So why not just start there? Start with friendship and respect with all intentions to grow a loving relationship. Can you really just decide to love someone no matter what?
I’d say yes. The intense feeling that begins a relationship is a chemical one. Science says after 3-5 years, that feeling fades and you are left with the real notions of what love is. Love isn’t flowers and candy everyday. It isn’t love letters and poetry. Love really is based on respect and friendship and those things can be built up over time and decided on. You can truly just say, ‘you over there, lets fall it love’ and it can completely work. No one is making a lifetime movie about it but it doesn’t make it less powerful. I’d say it can make things even more powerful in the long run.
So now what? I’d say take a chance. Commit to that one and see what grows. I think I’ve found someone to do the same thing with. I can let you know how it works.
Update Janurary 2013: I still wanted that spark, that Hollywood, romance novel kind of love so it didn’t work for me. But I still can’t say it won’t or couldn’t work.