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I read a wonderful article on the gay communities treatment of interracial couples. The focus was on black and white couples as most other interracial couples don’t seem to have the same stigma as black and white couples do.  As someone who dates all races, I can say I myself was most uncomfortable in my early dating life being with white men because of the looks I received.  But this article isn’t about interracial couples.  My thoughts have shifted to the difficult task of being a black man in the gay community and to be frank, it sucks.

When I first began in the gay community, it shocked me to see the segregated areas in the “mixed” clubs (naive I know), and the race requirements in gay profiles online. I had and still have a hard time dating even my own race, as a large number of black gay men are only into white men.  Over time I realized the image of what was attractive always had a white face attached to it.  In gay movies the cast is all white.  In gay magazines, you are luck to have any other race other than white, unless they are purposely showcases hot Asian men or Latin Papis. But it seems the bottom of the barrel is unfortunately black men. I sometimes read the Hot 100 list on AfterElton.com and even they comment on the lack of people of color on their on list, but the viewers vote and rank the men, so it’s not that surprising.

Black men are often times over sexuality.  The rough thug brotha, the Mandingo size of their member ,or even on the negative end, weed smokers, unemployed and DL black stereotypes.  I can say all of these categories are in the black gay community, but I have seen an equal amount in the white gay community as well.  One of the worst things I’ve seen is how black movies also showcase a stereotypical image of themselves, i.e. Noah’s Arc and The DL Chronicles. I would however say Noah’s Arc did do a better job at showing a range of gay black men, but they fell into mainstream with all of Noah’s love interest and Ricky’s sexual conquests. What I have found is white people in general seem to hide their faults a bit better, while black people tend to broadcast more.  It can also be said that with white people being in the majority, it wouldn’t make sense to cast your own people in a negative light.

So what does a gay black man do?  Live your life.  It’s not possible to change the mind of anyone, as  people are comfortable with what is familiar. I refuse to play into the idea that I am not as attractive as the next man because I am black.  I’m not a thug, DL, weed-head or any other negative stereotype you want to place on black men.  I’m not hyper-sexual or a Mandingo( and get no complains on my member). My worth is not defined by my race just my deeds and heart.

In the end everyone needs to love each other on what they observe in each individual person. Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, everyone is beautiful and worthy of love.