Weekend Skin
This is my “I’m back” post and my “summer is here” post. It is June first and time to hit the beach. There are some who feel it’s important to focus on the body. To hit the gym nonstop to show off the guns, abs and chest. Then you have those who are just comfortable in their on skin and prefer to let it all hang out regardless of societies body image obsession. I am a fitness guy. I can admit to beginning the gym to help my self-esteem. I was a skinny guy, all ribs and bones and I got teased often. It’s funny how those that are overweight wish to be skinny as a rail, while the skinny just want some cushion.
The other day I was on Facebook and a friend talked about his story. It was a story of body image , the pain he experienced as a child and his entry into the gay community. He use to be a shorter guy with a little bit of weight on him. He never felt comfortable with his body or his height ,but lucky for him puberty hit and he shot up ending at 6’1. There was still a bit of a weight problem that left him with self-esteem issues and being in the gay community is the worst place to have self-esteem issues. He mentioned his tough time mainly because of the image of perfection we place on ourselves. As gay men, we already know we have so much to overcome with society already looking at us as perverts and sinners. In our own community we make it even harder by idealizing every cover model, athlete and porn star out there( let’s not forget about the masculine ideas of Tom of Finland). My friend, now mature and older, was commenting on how sad it was that we make it so difficult on ourselves and how we need to stop wishing for the moon, if for nothing more than to be supportive of our younger gays coming to terms with their sexuality.
Sounds great doesn’t it? Well my friend had to start his story by saying how he was part of the problem. He loves good looking men, muscles, masculine bear type men, daddies, etc. Nothing at all wrong with that. He also enjoys publishing pictures on his page and in Facebook groups illustrating his love of the male form. Again, nothing wrong with that. But he was telling his story in an effort to ask others to stop pushing such high standards of beauty while he does it himself. See my problem?
Of course being the person I am, I applauded his realization but asked now what? Was he going to change how he idealize men and contribute to this idea or was he just trying to sound enlightened while still publishing the next hairy muscle daddy to lust after? Needless to say he felt attacked and I looked like the bad guy but my intent was to say good job and let’s change together. My intent was to say congrats and let’s start a movement of support and a less body obsessed gay community. So I’m here stating my intent and asking my wonderful followers what do you think.
Is it possible to relax on our ideas of male body perfection for the greater good of the young gay men coming up, or are we just hopeless and lustful?
BTW, I’m pretty hopeless so here are some hot ass men for ya. Don’t judge, I didn’t say anything about my personal body obsession but a
s you can see, my taste vary.
Little Break
Thank you to all my followers. New blog post with lots of energy and thought will return June 1st. It will be worth the wait.
Spreadable Like Peanut Butter
This is a salute to the easy. The men and women who love to please(some more successful than others) and don’t charge for it. The men and women that you don’t have to buy dinner, flowers or even tell your real name to get their cookies. Their legs are easier to spread than peanut butter and they love it.
Sluts often get a bad rap but they do the world a service. We already live in a repressed society, holding in everything we want to do or say for fear of being an outcast. It’s hard to just be yourself but not for the slut. You sluts welcome us into well your bodies to help us release that repressed energy. I know when I’ve had a bad day, I just call up my slut and work it all out on him. You guys are better than therapy because I don’t have to say much just lay back and let you work your magic.
Society would say you have low self-esteem. That you want love and affection so much you allow anyone with a kind word to use you for a moment of feeling deserving and wanted. It can also be said that your life mission is to destroy solid couples by luring men to you like a temptress or siren. It’s probably true but so what? I know I don’t care about that, all I care about is getting my rocks off. Remember, you are a slut and your feelings mean nothing to me. You are
there to be used not loved or understood.
In the end there is no need to really consider what is going on in the mind of the easy. You are a toy to be use and for that I want to salute you. You have the ability to put other’s first unlike so many others with self-respect. You actually make others feel like a champion, as if we scored by getting you into bed but it never was a challenge anyway. Like I said before, you do a service to others at the expense of yourself and I just want to salute you.
Disclaimer: No actual sluts were hurt or offended by this post. Reading this doesn’t confirm you share these thoughts so you are in the clear. If any slut was offended, stop being a slut. This is meant to be funny so please lighten up.
Blessed below the belt. What else do you have to offer?
I’ve been with many men(not a slut here) that were blessed below the belt and they knew it. It was all they cared about because they for sure didn’t care about me. During sex they were selfish and quick. Outside the bedroom it still seemed to be about their large member and who else might want to enjoy it. So you have a big dick, what else?
Being a man, yes it is understandable to be concerned with your member. It does after all define you as a man but society loves to add more manly features based on the size or lack thereof. It just becomes a bit much that one’s whole life has to revolve around such a small part of who a man is. The men I’ve met that have average to slightly above average members seem to be more concerned with the other person and the experience rather than themselves alone. And I heard the cries from all the monster dick boys saying what else would they do. It’s like what people say about overweight men needing to specialize in oral sex just to compete( which I love that they do). But in the end Mr. Cocky might have an endless supply of tail but what else do you get?
If sex is your main reason for being then I can understand your preoccupation with your member. Those of you looking for a true mate need to think about what image you are projecting to snag the one. When most look for a mate, it’s mostly a connection they are looking for. Can you empathize with your partners struggles and celebrate their joys? Can you sit through a foreign movie knowing you hate subtitles but it makes him happy? Could you read from his voice after work how distraught he is and make arrangements to brighten his day? These are the what else a person needs to offer for a lasting relationship. If it’s just the bedroom and your big dick, hell I can buy a big dick.
Attitude says a lot and if it’s clear your attitude is consumed with sex and your own pleasure, you will get a great amount. But then Viagra stops working for you in your golden years, you might have wished you thought about what else makes you happy and not alone.
It’s not my Job
I was on Facebook when I saw a friend of mine mention he just had lunch at Chik fila. I wasn’t sure if he knew so I decided to mention to him their public position opposing gay marriage. He replied he knew but loved their food and his feelings that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. He also mentioned he is doing the Christian thing and turning the other cheek. I couldn’t knock him for that but being the person I am I decided to point out the difference between a person having an opinion and a company having a policy that puts them at odds with a particular customer base. Again he was adamant he wasn’t the one to fight the good fight, pointing to other companies that have scandals involving race and sexual orientation but are still in business with many customers and employees that are gay. Not one to let anything truly go, I just left it with my personal decision not to give companies that put hate in their policies of operation my money and help them to stay in business. This whole conversation left me wondering, if not me than who?
We can’t all be in New York occupying Wall Street but we can’t completely decide to check out. I remember as a child hearing about the clothing company Nautica saying their clothes was ” Not for the brothas”, a statement I researched myself. I heard rumors about Tommy Hilfiger and Donna Karen, along with several other companies that didn’t want blacks to buy their products. I did my own research and those I found to be true I stopped purchasing. Of course they are still in business but I knew I wasn’t helping them continue a racist company. And just like then, I still continue my personal boycott with Chik fila being one of those companies.
To think so many people decide to ignore racism, sexism and discrimination everyday just to have what they thing are the best clothes and eat the best damn chicken, it saddens me. If all the past protesters said, “someone else will do it”, think of where we would be right now. And it’s not like you are putting your life in danger but stopping your patronage of a few places like those who actually march and do sit ins. To think it’s so easy to just know about injustice and just not care more than saddens but slightly upsets me.
Some might argue, especially in the gay community, that being gay doesn’t define them so any outrage against them doesn’t matter at all. You are more than happy to feel that way and I agree my sexuality doesn’t define me but injustice on any level is injustice. You might not want to be a statistic but you are. You are a gay man and while you can be in the closet if you want, you still suck dick baby. No one is asking you to go around and dress in rainbows all day long. No one is asking you to hold a press conference every time hate speech is delivered to the public. But come on, you can’t just make a small stand and stop supporting a damn fast food restaurant?
This post wasn’t intended to be judgmental in a bad way. I wanted to shed light on how some people decided that even a small act of protest is someone else’s job. I wanted to really say one act can make a difference. In the end it looks like I’m saying, stop being an indifferent, lazy ass.
Sorry.
3..some?
This a similar but different post for me. I was watching a movie on Netflix that I thought I knew what I was in store for but it not only proved to be a great movie but also thought provoking. The movie is called 3 and it is yes and no about threesomes but let me first give you a rundown of the plot and then dive into the blog
Hanna( Sophie Rios) and Simon(Sebastian Schipper) are a married couple in their 40s. They grow very comfortable and complacent in their marriage and yearn for more. They both find comfort in the arms of Simon(Devid Striesow) independent of the other and in adulterous manner. When Hanna becomes pregnant, they all are faced with the complexity of their actions and what to do next.
First I loved how they both were having affairs with the same man. That was a very interesting twist not often seen in movies. The
funny thing was during the affair, they actually grew closer to each other because of the energy Adam was injecting into them(stop being nasty). Once the second twist dropped and Hanna confronts Adam at his apartment, she finds Simon walking out of the bedroom as she blurts out she is pregnant. Both shocked to see each other, Hanna storms out and cuts off communication with both men. Of course it doesn’t end there but you must see the movie to find out what happens.
The interesting thing that came to me was her reaction. She was livid seeing Simon coming from Adam’s room obviously because she had no idea he was bisexual. I just couldn’t help thinking how could she be upset that he was cheating if she was doing the same thing? Was it truly that he was bisexual that got to her? And my main question is how would you feel?
I have to admit I wasn’t a fan of Adam. He was once married and has a child but obviously later found himself a bisexual single man. He is caring on a relationship with two people which isn’t bad exactly but I’m not a fan of having sex with both genders at the same time. And clearly there were no condoms used seeing as Hanna became pregnant. This is a big reason for the spread of HIV and other STDs to women and children; and while I don’t feel a homosexual relationship is to blame, protection should be used at all times and I’d kind of say more so in heterosexual relationships with the possibility of passing disease a long to a child.
That being said I can see why Hanna was so upset at seeing her husband come out of the room. She was perfectly okay that he was having another relationship after all she was married but I honestly feel she had no reason at all to be upset. You both cheated and while he was cheating with a man, cheating is cheating. I’m pretty sure most straight women would disagree with me but cheating is cheating and it isn’t amplified because he’s with the same gender. And yes if it was another women, she could try to act more like he wanted but it’s still cheating. Often times it has little to do with what you aren’t doing and more to do with just wanting something different.
So what do you think? Is cheating with the same gender worst than cheating with the opposite sex? Watch the movie. It was great and she still don’t know the really cool ending.
Love Songs
I tear up on a good love song. Call me a bitch or girl if you want but I get this chill down my spine, my heart fills, I get warm and it just happens. I get very emotional hearing an amazing love song. So what is it?
This post came about when I was listening to Melanie Fiona’s new album “The MF Life”. This truly is a must have album and unlike most, there are 17 tracks instead of ten and three of them are interludes( I can’t stand interludes but India Arie does wonderful ones). So I’m listening to the album and just feeling the words so much. She truly has an amazing voice and uses it to evoke enormous emotions in each song. But she isn’t the first artist I’ve listened to and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the songs. This has been a theme with me for as long as I can remember and I love it.
I’m a hug ball of emotion. I have so much love just waiting to be released on the right man and these songs just get it stirring in me. I can even be at the gym working out and a good love song can make my exercise better as opposed to the club bangers most like to workout too. And it’s hard for me not to sing at the time of my lungs between sets at the gym because I truly get overwhelmed when I great song fills my eardrums.
I could give you a list of my favorite songs: Jazmine Sullivan-Lions, Tigers, Bears; Stuttering.. Monica-Everything to me..Aaliyah- At your best; 4 page letter… and many many more. The point is these songs tell a story and these artist know how to hit moments of love in every persons life. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t have a love song that completely recounts a break up or special feeling they have had in their life. And while I’m suppose to be a man and all macho, I’m all mush and someone will benefit from it.
So tell me about a song that spoke to you. Share with me the lovely feeling you got when that love song came on and you were trapped by it. I can’t wait to read your comments.
Repression…Life or Death?
It’s no secret we live in a world where repression is the status quo. Often times we get a hint of freedom and we let our wild side take over only to put it back inside once the reality of life gets back into us. But if you lived completely absent rules and control, are you really living or on the edge of death and destruction?
We act in prescribed categories that we adopt through public influences. We take everything that is assigned to us from gender, orientation, to social class, sexual appeal, etc exposing us to a life of ambivalence.We act in a reasonable and recognizable fashion to live without problems and accept these conditions that devalue and negate our true selves out of self-preservation. We do it to stay under the radar and survive; and some times when we are cognitive of what we actually are doing, we revolt and allow thought and ideas to change our perception. Until that happens we deceive ourselves about what path will truly lead to a more or less better life.
To be yourself is a hard thing. Being a gay man, I made the decision to step out from the assigned role I was given from birth. I looked at what my heart and mind was telling me and went against self-preservation in favor of self-preservation. I wasn’t going to be able to live a happy, sane, true existence conforming to a hetero life. I’m not alone either. I commend the transgender, out and proud, drag queens, hippies, protesters,and many others that chose to be true to themselves in spite of the dangers.
And lets look at the artist and the dreams. Society looks down on those not making or trying to attain a six figure salary, and dare to drive a ten-year old car and last years fashions. Anything that is recognized as outside the box is dangerous. The few that make being an outsider somehow inside are revered by all with the dreamers hoping they can me next.When society says follow your dreams, you have to wonder if they are being genuine.
Repression is a learned skill that has purpose. It does stop most from making foolish destructive decisions but it also stops us from enjoying everything life has to offer. So what should we do? We need to unlearn the safety that categories play in our lives. The strong know this lesson. You can find the balance of what is expected and unexpected or decide to pick a side.
I’m a dreamer. My lifestyle is hard but I’m fulfilled because I do what I love to do. I’m not rich and probably will never be. I have huge dreams and my success in life will be had by unconventional means. I no longer have a desire to play to anyone’s rules or expectations. Your version of success or happiness have no meaning to me. I’m living for me and it my be unconventional but at least I’m not repressed. Well just a little.
Elder Gay and Gay Wisdom
I should start by saying I am in my early 30s so not exactly elderly. However, being in the gay community for over 15 years, you tend to rack up more life experiences than you can imagine. I’ve done the clubbing every weekend, recreational drug bonanza, shirt off in the club twink behavior, bed hopping because I was young and the chosen one, and so much else. At this point in my life, I’m on the husband trail. I go out and the buffoonery and shenanigans really get to me. So having been through it, I try to impart wisdom on my younger friends still in the cycle and the results aren’t in any way thrilling.
I’ve said in previous post that gay men aren’t taught how to date men. Fathers teach a hetero lifestyle and being gay we are pretty much on trial and error mode. It really is up to older gay men to show the younger crowd the way so our community can be strong and cohesive. The problem is early gay lifestyle was about being free and wild. It was about being open and anti convention. As the time went on, the unity in the community switched to a mirror of the same hetero grouping we were trying to avoid. We have the younger gays, the muscle pretty boys, the bears, the daddies, etc and all an island unto themselves. The masculine can’t stand the effeminate men, the twinks want nothing to do with the bears, and the older pity the younger crowd(or envy depending on how you look at things).
What is needed is a stop do the disjointed gay community and real leaders not on a public stage but local to guide younger gay men. I’m naturally a giver and I’ve tried with a few of my friends. I noticed I was being what I hated as a young gay man. I was telling my friends not to do things I did based on my experiences but not letting them gain experience for themselves. And while it pains me to see my friends make the same mistakes I did, what I’ve found is I need to inform and support. So now I say, ” Friend, I did that and it was horrible, I hope the same thing doesn’t happen to you but I’m here if you need me”. Maybe they will see over time the wisdom I deliver isn’t to hinder their fun but to help make the fun less problematic.
I want to encourage older gay men to instill values and teach the way we would have wanted to be taught. And I know there are younger guys looking for older men as more sexual teachers than life teachers. Nothing wrong with that but I’m sending a call to arms for real teaching and guidance. We all made a lot of mistakes and yes mistakes help us to grow but not all. We have to do our part for a strong gay community.
Pay it forward.
Fathers Teach
Fathers teach their sons to be men. They teach them how to ride a bike, how to fix a car, and how to treat a woman. But for gay men, no one is there to teach us how to love and treat another man. So how do we learn to make a relationship work?
Growing up I was able to see a stable relationship watching my parents. They work to keep the family together. They laugh and smile and plan together. They fight being very strong personalities but they make up as if nothing happened. After almost 40 years, theirs is the relationship I want for my life but watching them didn’t help me once I began dating men.
I’m an old fashion dater. I love to open both the car door and building doors for my man( I do stop short of pulling out the chair). I love to take care of him and I often times have a problem having my man pay for dinners. I prefer to pay like most men do for women. I am finding I want to mirror hetero relationship putting myself in the male position but what if my partner wants the same? How in the world am I suppose to date a man and not be the man I saw from my father and hell every movie I’ve ever seen. My dating life hasn’t been great.
Truth is gay men don’t have a clue how to date. We don’t have dating role models that show us not only how to treat another man but how to keep a relationship going. It’s no wonder gay relationship are so short lived if they exist at all. So what is left for us? Do we just decide to have bad relationship or should we stop trying to mirror the hetero lifestyle?
I have very mixed opinions about gay mainstreaming and trying to emulate hetero values and norms but I’m still someone who wants love. I don’t see a relationship that last forty years as trying to conform. We can still define our relationships a bit different from the norm. But to get there we have to flip our thinking about what a relationship is. It wont be like our parents (unless you are luck to have gay parents) but it can be just as strong.
All and all, dating men isn’t easy and the only way it can work is to decide to make it work. Say what you will about marriage and the hetero world, they at least no one to love and love for the long haul.
